Co-dependence is an emotional and behavioral condition which impairs the individual’s ability to experience healthy and satisfying relationships. Co-dependent people tend to establish dysfunctional relationships with other people affected by some form of pathological dependency (such as substance, sex or gambling addictions), because they firmly believe their partner need to be saved from their addiction.
However, if their pathological addicted partner would be to start therapy or rehabilitation through a community treatment, the co-dependent partner would probably put an end to the relationship: the “savior” would in fact not be needed anymore. This specific kind of relationship does not leave space to changes, it can only exist in static nature, in an equilibrium defined by dependency.
Usually co-dependents’ parents have suffered from both physical and/or psychological issues. This made their children get used to having huge responsibilities in the first years of their life.
SYMPTOMS
Some of the main emotional, cognitive and behavioral characteristics of the co-dependent subjects are:
- Extreme need for approval;
- Tendency to submission;
- Attraction for people in need of help;
- Inability to create and maintain personal boundaries;
- Tendency to control others’ behavior;
- Tendency to praise/blame others for their wellness/distress;
- Presence of depressive or anxious states;
- Obsessive fear of losing the partner;
- Emotional immaturity and low self-esteem.
TREATMENT
Psychodynamic therapy is advised to help the subject realize the existence of specific dynamics that bring on the dysfunctional behavior: after this initial step, the subject can implement behavioral changes in their social and personal life.
Through cognitive behavioral therapy it is possible to create new structural beliefs in order to substitute the dysfunctional ones caused by low self-esteem. This is only possible by learning to address one’s fears of abandonment, rejection and loneliness. Assertiveness training may also be of great use because it helps the subject to visualize, communicate and respect their own boundaries, needs and feelings; it also contributes to the realization of a real autonomy, while maintaining a healthy constant connection with others.
